The Fake Apology!

In many workplaces, we pride ourselves on being inclusive yet language can often contradict this.

One of the most frustrating responses anyone can receive is: "I'm sorry you feel that way." 

While it may sound polite, it is not an apology. It shifts responsibility back onto the person raising the concern implying that the problem is their perception rather than the environment.

In a business context, these non-apologies can undermine genuine inclusion efforts. While this can be an issue affecting neurotypical colleagues, neurodiverse colleagues often face unspoken barriers such as overwhelming open-plan offices and rigid communication styles. When they speak up they need to feel heard not dismissed.

Why is this type of apology problematic?

• Lack of Accountability: This phrase avoids taking responsibility for one's actions suggesting that the speaker is unwilling to acknowledge how their behaviour may have hurt someone else.

  
  

• Minimising Emotions: It can invalidate the feelings of the person who is upset. Instead of recognising their pain it implies that their feelings are unwarranted or exaggerated.

  
  

• Passive-Aggressive Tone: Often this type of apology can come across as passive-aggressive making the situation worse rather than helping to resolve it.

An authentic response acknowledges impact and commits to improvement. 

For example:

"Thank you for sharing how this affects you. I understand this has caused difficulty and we will look into changes to better support you."

Inclusion is more than policy; it is lived through everyday interactions. Listening, acknowledging and acting are what transform workplaces into environments where talent can thrive.
Have you noticed the power of a genuine apology in creating a more inclusive workplace?